Thirteen Reasons Why?
by Airforce1990
Summary: Harry committed suicide. Now the question is why. There are thirteen reasons, so thirteen tapes, each person must listen to the tapes and pass them along unless they want it release to the newspapers. Now its Hermione's turn, follow her through her emotions and turmoil as she tries to understand why her best friend killed himself.


Thirteen Reasons Why?

Hermione Jane Granger, Sixth year Gryffindor is sitting at her house table in Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry having dinner. But all she was doing was starring, what it seems into nothing, and just moving her food around on her plate. On the opposite side of her sat her male best friend Ron Weasley, and his younger sister Fifth year Gryffindor student Ginny Weasley. Ron, it seems was sulking while Ginny had her head in her arms. She looks up at the head table and sees Professor Severus Snape, Potions teacher and Head of Slytherin pale and his face ashen, she takes a quick look at the Slytherin table and sees Draco Malfoy, a Sixth year Slytherin also pale and ashen. There are a few others who look pale, while everyone else in the hall looks sad and sullen. The reason for this though, was the death of Sixth year Gryffindor and Boy-Who-Lives, Harry Potter. The reason. Suicide.

A snowy white owl flies into the Great Hall, going in front of Hermione; Hedwig drops a plain brown package on the table and flies out again. Hermione picks up the package, stands up and walks out of the hall, feeling that she should open the package in private. She walks out onto the grounds of the school, and sits down by her favorite tree by the Black Lake, the very same tree that she was sitting with Harry just a week and half before doing homework and teasing each other, laughing as if there wasn't a war going on outside of the walls of Hogwarts. She opens the package and finds seven tapes and a tape cassette player, on each cassette tape was a number on it. She picks up tape one and put it in the cassette player. She put the headphones on and pressed play, but what came out, Hermione never expected, never thought she would the voice again.

 **Cassette One**

 **Side A:**

 _Hey guys did you all miss me, thought you got rid of me, well actually you did, but I am not quite done._

 **Stop.**

It was Harry Potter.

Hermione's heart stopped. It couldn't be. How…why would Harry send tapes out after he was already dead? It didn't make sense.

 **Play.**

"My name is…sorry, was, Harry James Potter." Hermione heard him chuckle slightly. She felt sick.

"If you're listening to this tape, then it means you get to hear all about my life. Don't you feel lucky?"

I feel sick. I feel empty. I feel anything but lucky.

"You see if you're on these tapes, then it means you're one of the reasons why I'm dead. Yeah, that's right, thirteen sides, thirteen people, and thirteen reasons." He spoke clearly, almost detached, but there was still a faint note of amusement.

"I hope you have a few hours free, because if you don't, well tough. Make time. I was ignored most of my life, and I sure as hell won't be ignored now that I'm dead. I can almost hear the sneers. He wasn't ignored, he was famous, and he was loved, blah blah blah."

He's talking about himself, not the boy who lived. I wonder how many people pick up on that.

"Well you're wrong. The Boy Who Lived was famous and loved and idolized and whatever else you want to say. Whatever. I never wanted to be the boy who lived. I wanted to be…normal, just Harry, but no. none of you, and I mean none of you, could give me that. Except maybe one. But, we'll get to that later."

I knew who you were Harry. I never thought of you as the boy who lived.

"Let's get on with this, shall we. There are two rules. I'm sure you can follow them. Number one, listen to all the tapes, in order. Number two; pass the tapes on to the next person on the list. See, that really isn't hard. And be warned, if you happen to lose, or damage these tapes before the last person hears them, another set will be sent to the prophet for the whole country to hear. I'm pretty sure that a lot of you don't want that."

 **Stop.**

Hermione took a deep breath. She was shaking, tears coursing down her face. What had happened that was so bad that Harry would kill himself? Why would he feel the need to leave behind such a horrible… suicide note? And what…what had she done that had helped him along?

 **Play.**

"So, just keep listening and the first person is…"

 _Well let's see who is first up, don't you feel lucky Professor Severus Snape, renowned Potions Master, Potions teacher at Hogwarts for fifteen years and spy. Yep, you are the lucky winner. Why? Why what? Why you? Why now? Why this way? Let me tell you why. BECAUSE NOW I AM IN CONTROL. That's right professor, you can't take points off now, you can't belittle me now, and you can't punish me. Ha, I won, you lost. Now why are you on here, besides what I just said? Let's see, first and foremost, YOU ARE A BULLY. You have bullied me since I first step into your classroom. You want to know why? Because of my father. A dad that I don't know, a dad that never raised me, never taught me how to ride a bike, how to prank teachers, how to flirt, or to help me with anything in general. Someone that was lost to me before I could walk, someone I lost before I could talk. Someone that I don't even remember, except for the last moments of his life, when he told my mom to take me and protect me before he faced Voldemort. Professor Snape bullied me because my dad bullied him while in school. But you know what; Snape wasn't all that innocent either. He wants to believe that he is the bigger man. Well he is not. For one, he bullies an eleven year old student who can't even fight back because he could get punished, while the bully could keep on doing what he is doing. Second, I know your role in the death of parents; I know why I lost them at such a young age. I hope you can live with that. I leave with you a gift, memories, several of them, keep them, they are yours, I hope you will never forget them. To remember that you are one of the many reasons. I hated you for six years, I don't hate you anymore, I don't hold you in contempt, all I feel for is pity, pity for a man so unable to let go of his past that he drove a little boy to suicide._

 **Stop.**

Hermione takes out the tape and turns it over. Tears streaming down her cheeks.

 **Side B:**

 **Play.**

 _So, person number two. Who do you think it's going to be? It's like Russian roulette isn't it, wondering if the bullet will hit you next. I have a story to tell you. The boy who lived is…extremely handsome and sought after. The boy who lived is…unattainable. To most anyway. The boy who lived is the subject of oh so many articles in the prophet, or witch weekly. One such article declared the boy who lived is gay. Do you remember that?_

 _I remember what happened just like it was yesterday. I felt restless inside so I went outside, to get some fresh air, to take a stretch, to get away from the stares and glares. Unfortunately, I forgot my cloak; at least it was for me. So, I was walking, enjoying the fresh air when I was grabbed from behind, my attacker silenced me, took away my wand, and casted Petrificus Totalus and then did the unthinkable. He raped me. You heard me right, my attacker didn't even look me in the eyes, he is a coward and will always be one. Now one of you is sat listening to this tape and remembering what happened that night. How does it feel to know, that the one night of pleasure you took from me by force, is one of the reasons I'm dead. Was it worth it? The rest of you are probably sat wondering who I'm talking about. Who would do such a thing, blah blah blah? But are you wondering who it was out of loyalty to me, or is it some kind of selfish thing. Do you want to know to make yourselves feel better? After all, who could have possibly done worse than rape me? Do you want to hex the person that did it, so that even though I'm already dead, you got revenge for me? I have one thing to say about that. DON'T BOTHER. Nobody noticed when it happened, and there were signs, trust me, they were there. Only one person knew, and I didn't tell them. Are you enjoying these tapes Roger? Have they refreshed your memory? Do you remember what you took from me that night? Not only did you take my dignity, my control and my self-respect, you also took something else from me. Have you figured it out yet? That's right. You took my virginity. The boy who lived was promiscuous if you believe everything you read. He had numerous partners, was the school slut. But me, Harry Potter, I was a virgin, shy around people I found attractive, awkward, you know the drill. I hadn't found my feet when it came to dating yet, and you took all of that away from me. I used to lie in bed at night and cry. And know I'm no longer there, I can admit that without shame. My pillow became my only real friend as it comforted me as I cried myself to sleep. Every. Single. Night. So Roger, I hope you enjoyed that little trip down memory lane, and I hope you never have another peaceful moment in your life. I hope you spend the rest of your days waiting for someone who knows your dirty little secret to get revenge in my honor. The one thing I will never wish on you is that you never go through what I did. Next tape."_

 **Stop.**

Hermione couldn't stop the tears flowing down her face, couldn't stop the sobs from coming, couldn't stop the self-loathing pouring out of her. Why didn't Harry come to her? She would have listened; she would have tried to help. Why couldn't she see something was wrong, why couldn't she stop it? These questions coming and she has no answer to them. She takes the tape out and put in the nest, and keep listening, knowing she was listening to Harry.

 **Cassette Two**

 **Side A:**

 **Play.**

 _So, lets' see who is up next. Oh wait, let's bring up a hypothetical scenario and in this this scenario there is a young boy who gets terrorize by his family, gets bullied at primary school and then come to a brand new school hoping to forget all about the past. However, that did not happen because there are bullies in the wizarding world. Second year comes, I'm sure you remember, the Chamber being open, everyone accusing me of being the heir, the Hufflepuffs' being the worst. But you, Ernie Macmillan were the worst of them all, and not just in second year, but also fourth year and fifth year. You gladly bullied me no matter what. I denied being the heir, I denied putting my name in the cup, but no, you didn't listen. Do you remember what you did to me? You called me names, you threw stuff at me, you tripped me in the hallways, stole my things, and you BULLIED ME. Eventually, I ignored you even after you apologize, and apologize, and apologize. Funny, how, when you are wrong how you kept apologizing, but it didn't make a heap of a damn difference, you didn't mean it, if you had, you would have stopped completely. I might have ignored you, but it still hurt. So thank you Ernie, you are truly NOT a Hufflepuff._

 **Stop.**

Hermione takes out the tape and flips it.

 **Side B:**

 **Play.**

 _Lucky number four. Don't you feel lucky because I sure do? Now you get to listen to ME. Four out of thirteen. Terry Boot. Hello Terry, I'm sure you are wondering what you did to make it this list. The answer: you became my friend. You became my friend and used me, you knew about the bullying, about the rape, you knew before Roger did it, he was your best friend. You made me think that you were disgusted with Roger. But instead you wanted to do the exact same thing, instead you were telling my secrets to him, instead you laughed about it. You became my friend, because I was the boy-who-lived, I was the boy-who-was-raped, I was the boy-who-didn't-say-anything, and you relished in it. Roger took away my dignity, you took away my pride. I bet you spent nights talking to Roger about everything I talked with you and laughed about it. You didn't care about me._

 **Stop.**

Hermione take the tape out and puts in the next one, tears stopped flowing while the anger starts simmering.

 **Cassette Three**

 **Side A:**

 **Play.**

 _Let's see, who is next? Don't worry I won't keep you waiting. Hello Draco Malfoy. I bet you thought you were going to be earlier, you knew everything you had done to me. You are one of the biggest bullies in the school, luckily you are not the only one. Must have taken after your godfather. I'm sure you remember everything you do to me, but lets' do a highlight reel. First year: nothing all that bad you were still young. Second year: remember calling Hermione a mud blood, nasty word; remember Quidditch; the Chamber and you bullying me and Hermione. Third year: wasn't all that bad, wait it was; making fun of me because of the dementors, getting Hagrid in trouble, faking the injury, though I did get you back at Hogsmeade, yep, that was me; oh right, and Sirius Black, enough said. Fourth year: this was bad, making those badges after the name came out of the cup and just overall being a bully. Fifth year: Dolores Umbitch, oops I meant Umbridge and her Inquisitorial Squad. You terrorized the school along with your goons, are you happy, did you make daddy proud, or what about the big bad Dark Lord, did you get in his good books because I know, I know that little secret that you have been hiding all year since the summer. Are you still going to do it? Don't worry, I won't say anything, but you might want to mention to your boss that all of his horcruxes are gone. Good luck with the rest of your life knowing that you are one of the reasons that I am dead._

 **Stop.**

Hermione stops the tape, takes it out and flips it.

 **Side B:**

 **Play.**

 _Lets' see who is next, ain't this fun, well it is for me. Now you get to listen and listen well, you can't actually say that I am lying anymore, you don't have to believe in everything other people says. You can actually have your own thoughts and opinions. Yes, Seamus I am talking about you. During the first half of fifth year, you ostracized me, you believed your mother who didn't know me, you believed the Prophet and you know how fickle they are. You didn't listen to me, you called me a liar, and didn't stay my friend during a time when I needed friends the most. Of course, you did start believing me, I don't know how or why, I figure it had to either be because of Dean or Hermione. You are still my friend, and always will be, just a piece of advice before I go, don't listen to others, form your own thoughts and opinions and be a better friend. Until next time._

 **Stop.**

To Hermione, that tape hadn't sounded so bad, in her opinion Harry was right about Seamus, he is a good friend but does tend to let others influence his decisions. And he was right, it was both her and Dean who had talked and knocked some sense into him. She takes the tape out and turn it over.

 **Cassette Four**

 **Side A:**

 **Play.**

 _Now who is next? Hello Ginny. I'm sure you are wondering why you are on here. Couple of hints: love potion, marriage contract, being an all-round bitch. Your mother is just as bad, she pretended to be my mother, she pretended to care. You were worse, you pretended to love. Well not quite, you loved the boy-who-lived, you loved the notion of being Lady Potter, love the money. Well guess what, none of those are going to happen. You would never be Lady Potter, you will never have my money, in fact, if these tapes are released you might lost your freedom. Lets' see, first, your mother, Dumbledore and yourself signed an illegal marriage contract so that we would get married, of that hadn't worked, your mother and yourself had already started brewing Amortentia to dose me, you already started dosing me this year, for some reason it hadn't started working yet. Too bad for you, but even if you have the marriage contract, that is null and void so you won't be getting my money either, you see, Dumbledore had me down as Harry Potter, but technically my legal name since November 1, 1981 has been Hadrian James Potter-Black, when my parents died and since Sirius was my godfather and legal guardian and his legal heir, my name automatically changed. Oh, and not only did you have the love potions, you also had loyalty potions, compulsion potions, and fertility potions which are all illegal to give to someone. I really hope for you and your mother, these tapes does not land on Madam Bones' desk, and the contents spelled out on the front pages of the newspaper. Good luck._

 **Stop.**

Hermione stops the tape and angrily wipes her tears from her face. _That stupid little bitch, how dare she. Ooh, I hope she hides from me. Maybe I can tell the twins, they would love to prank her._ These are the thoughts swimming around in Hermione's head. She takes the cassette tape out, flips it and puts it back in.

 **Side B:**

 **Play.**

 _For this one tape, I would like to apologize. I am sorry that you are on here, you are not one of the reasons why I killed myself, you are the only reason that I have been regretting making these tapes, you are the reason why I lived all of these years. If I hadn't had you in my life, then I probably would have killed myself some time ago. You are my one and only truest friend. You have been my conscious, my smile, my confidante, my biggest supporter through everything and anything. Hermione, I love you so much, you mean the world to me and do not blame yourself. I will repeat, DO NOT BLAME YOURSELF. This is not your FAULT. You have been there for me through thick and thin, through the fun times and the boring times, through the easy times and hard times, through the 'I can't believe we are actually doing this but lets' do it anyway' times, through the ups and downs of being a teenager, you have been there for me through everything. I know what is on these are surprising you, that I had said you were my confidante and yet I kept quiet about quite a few things. You are on here for an explanation and I am hoping that I am making sense. I don't know why I am thinking about doing this. There has to be reason, but I haven't found a good one yet. Maybe I want to be with my parents, my grandparents, be with Sirius, I don't know, all I know is that I feel so alone, even with you by my side, I feel like it's not enough anymore. That I have lost too much to be truly happy. That maybe something will change and I will change my mind, but if that doesn't happen I hope that these tapes will let you understand what has been happening. Oh, one more thing, get to Gringotts as soon as possible. My last and final gift to you. I love you._

 **Stop.**

Hermione starts sobbing, bringing her knees up and wrapping her arms around them, she cries and cries. She jumps suddenly when she feels a pair of arms going around her, she looks up and sees her good friend Neville Longbottom, looking sad. He looks and sees the tape recorder she has in her hand, and an understanding look in his eyes. "Are you ok Hermione?"

"No. Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why did Harry kill himself?"  
"I can't answer that, we may never really truly know why. What we can do is understand, and be there for each other and live for him."

"But how do I do that?"

"By finishing those tapes and find someone to love and grow old with before losing yourself in the grief."

"How did you know about the tapes?

"Who do you think Harry gave the second set of tapes to?"

"Oh my god. I am so sorry Neville, I've never even consider how you were dealing with his suicide."

"I'm doing alright, just understanding why he did it kind of help, I just wished that he trusted us enough to come to us before he actually did it."

"I know, I feel the same. But at the same time I also feel angry, at Harry and at the professors for not doing anything, I feel sad that I can't see Harry laughing and smiling, to watch him play quidditch and enjoy just being able to be free, to be just Harry."

"I know how that is, I feel the same way, but then I hate myself because I don't want to stay angry at Harry but he just didn't let anyone in to help."

"Yea, but we can't do anything now, what we can do is to make sure no one feel that they feel so alone that they have to kill themselves."

"What are you going to do?"

"I'm going to tell Madam Bones about some of the crimes that was committed to Harry and hopefully she'll do something about it."

"You've listened to the tapes too."

"Yea, it was heartbreaking but I needed to understand why and I felt this was the only way to do so. You should finish the tapes Hermione, they don't get any easier."

"Thanks Neville. Are you going to stay?"

"If you want me to."

"Yea, I do, not sure if I can keep at it by myself."

"Ok." Neville settles down next to Hermione on the grass and grabs a second set of headphones and plug them into the device. Hermione takes out the current tape, look into the box for the next, finding it, she puts it in the cassette player.

 **Cassette Five**

Hermione takes deep breath and presses play.

 **Side A:**

 **Play**

 _Lets' see who is next. I will make this one easy and let you guess. Hello cousin of mine. Dudley, how do you feel about being on here? It's really not your fault, you were following in your parents' hatred of me, and you decided to bully me, and make your friends bully me. You were so stupid, even at school, I never could do better then you, or I would get beaten, after the first few times that happened I finally learned to stop trying. Are you happy Dudley, you are one of the reasons why I killed myself. I bet your parents are happy to get rid of the freak, thinking that they would get my money. Well, sorry to bust your bubble, but you are not getting anything of mine, you treated me like dirt, now I treat you the same. My advice to you, stop following in your parents footsteps, make your own opinions, make your own decisions and stop listening to your parents. Stop being a bully and grow up and become a responsible young man._

 **Stop**

Hermione takes out the tape, she had hoped that she could have convinced Harry to tell someone of the abuse but he never did to her knowledge, but thinking that might change she flips the tape.

 **Side B:**

 **Play**

 _The next one is Remus Lupin. I love you but you hurt me. First, with staying out of my life for ten years, and then when we do meet the next year you leave and we rarely see each other. You should have been in my life like how my parents would have wanted, but that didn't happen. I don't know why it didn't happen. But I am sure you had your reasons, but they're not good enough. I needed a father figure, you gave me one in third year, then you abandoned me, I doubt that was you intention, but it did happen. I lost a piece of happiness, a piece that I would never get back. Don't give up Uncle Moony, be with Dora, marry her, have kids together and remember to live your life instead of just letting it pass by._

 **Stop**

Hermione takes out the tape, wishing she could feel sorry for Remus, but she couldn't find it in her heart to do so. She knew he had hurt Harry when he left, but he never said anything. _Oh, Harry, why didn't you say anything, I'm sure he would have been there for you more. He does love you._ She finds the next tape and puts it into the cassette player.

 **Cassette Six**

Hermione presses play of the next tape, not knowing what she would be listening to next would shock her to the core.

 **Side A:**

 **Play.**

 _Who is next, this really does feel like Russian roulette doesn't it. Now, who is next on my list? Sorry, not telling yet. But by the end you should know who you are. You are a backstabbing traitor, who befriended me for my money and then became jealous because of my money. You are also a bully, maybe worse than some because you don't even realizes that you are one. That makes you a hypocrite. Well, lets' get back to the backstabbing traitor who got money for being my friend but is jealous because of my fame. You got paid out of my fault by Dumbledore, and that money wasn't even his to begin with. You made sure I had no friends though I think you made a mistake on your part. There were times that you were jealous because of my fame, well newsflash, I was also jealous of you. You have a loving father, a doting mother, five overprotective brothers and an annoying sister that loves you with everything they have and yet I don't. I wish I could have my parents back, that the most clearest memory of them id of their last moments, my dad telling my mom to run and take me upstairs while he fight against Voldemort, and my moms' screams while protecting me from a monster. I wish I could be a big brother to a baby brother and or sister, teaching them everything I know, pranking them, flying with them and just loving them. I am jealous of you because you have a loving family while I don't, you can have my fame. My hope for you is that you will actually take some of the blame on yourself and learn from it, stop listening to everyone else, stop being a follower and actually do something worthwhile. You were once my friend, but when I die, you won't be._

 **Stop.**

Hermione turns of the tape and struggles with her emotions; hate, anger, sadness and most of all disappointment at the one who was once one of her best friends, someone that she thought she could trust, someone who she has been grieving with since the suicide and all this time, he was one of the reasons, because he wasn't their friend, he was a spy, and that hurt more than anything, feeling like she lost two of her best friends because she realized that was what is happening. She could never be his friend anymore, she wouldn't want to be his friend anymore. Hermione takes out the tape and out in the next one.

 **Side B:**

 **Play.**

 _Now who is next, and I really hope this has reached you or you might be going to prison. Hello Molly, have you enjoyed my money for the last fifteen years. That's right, I know about everything, well maybe not everything but most of it. Let's see, oh have you been told that the marriage contract you and Dumbledore wrote up for me and Ginny is null and void, oh and did you know that it was illegal to sign one without my legal guardian present. Sorry Molly, but it is. Did you know that it was illegal to brew illegal potions? Well it is, strike two. Did you know that it was illegal to steal from a Most Ancient and Most Noble house, well it is illegal no matter who you are stealing from? Strike three, just hope these tapes never reach Madam Bones I am sure she will be interested in you, though the goblins would be worse, they hate anybody stealing from their bank. Anyways, oh, Ginny won't Lady Potter, your family will get nothing, well you, Ron and Ginny won't get anything, the others actually will, they never pretended to care. That was what hurt the most, that you pretended to care about you. I loved you like a mother and that is sad since I only knew my mother for fifteen months. You pretended to love me, you treated my wounds, you fed me everything that a mother does and yet none of it meant anything to you. I saw you as family, I would have helped you, but you betrayed me, betrayed my love for you, and you betrayed my trust in you. You hurt me and now you have to love with yourself that you are one of the reasons why I am dead. Thank you Mrs. Weasley for nothing._

 **Stop.**

Hermione stops the tape, she doesn't feel shock over what Mrs. Weasley had done especially since she had already listened to what her youngest two kids did to Harry. She takes out the tape and puts it back into the box and takes out the last one. And puts in it.

 **Cassette Seven.**

Hermione puts the last tape in and presses play.

 **Side A:**

 _One…last...try._

He is whispering. The recorder close to his mouth and with each break in his words I can hear his breathe.

 _I am giving life one more chance and this time, I am getting help. I am asking for help because I cannot do this alone. I have tried that._

You didn't Harry. I was there for you and you never came, you never told me.

 _Of course, if you are listening to this, I failed. Or she failed. And if she fails, the deal is sealed._

My throat tightens, and I get up and start pacing.

 _Only one person stands between you and this collection of audiotapes: Professor McGonagall._

No, she can't know about this.

 _Professor McGonagall, let's see how you do._

The sound of Velcro tearing apart and then stuffing. He is shoving the recorder into something. A backpack? His robes?

He knocks.

And knocks again.

 _-Mr. Potter. Glad you made it._

The voice is muffled, but it's her.

 _-Come in. Sit here._

 _Thank you._

Our transfiguration teacher but also our head of house.

 _-Are you comfortable? Do you want some tea?_

 _I'm fine. Thank you._

 _-So, Mr. Potter, how can I help you? What would you like to talk about?_

 _Well, that's…I don't know, really. Just everything, I guess._

 _-That might take a while._

A long pause. Too long.

 _-Harry, it's okay. I've got as much time as you need. Whenever you're ready._

 _It's just…things. Everything is so hard right now._

His voice is shaky.

 _I don't know where to begin. I mean, I kind of do. But there is so much and I don't know how to sum it all up._

 _-You don't need to sum it all up. Why don't we begin with how you're feeling today?"_

 _Right now?_

 _-Right now._

 _Right now I feel lost, I guess. Sort of empty._

 _-Empty how?_

 _Just empty. Just nothing. I don't care anymore._

 _-About?_

Make him tell you. Keep asking questions, but make him tell you.

 _About anything. School. Myself. The people in my school._

 _-What about your friends?_

 _You're going to have to define "friends" if you want an answer to that question._

 _-Don't tell me you don't have friends, Harry. I see you in the corridors._

 _Seriously, I need a definition. How do you know what a friend is?_

 _-Someone you can turn to when…_

 _Then I don't have any. That's why I'm here, isn't it? I am turning to you._

 _-Yes. You are. And I'm glad you're here, Harry._

 _You don't know how hard it was to come._

 _-Then tell me Harry. What's going on?_

 _Everything, I don't know … just a lot._

 _-Harry, how can I help you?_

 _I guess I … I don't know. I'm not sure what I'm expecting._

 _-Well, what do you need right now that you're not getting? Let's start there._

 _I need it to stop._

 _-You need what to stop?_

 _I need everything to stop. People. Life._

 _-Harry, do you know what you just said?_

He knows what he said, Professor. He wants you to notice what he said and help him.

 _-You said you wanted life to stop, Harry. Your life?_

No response.

 _-Is that what you meant to say, Harry? Those are very serious words, you know._

He knows every word that comes out of his mouth, Professor. He knows they're serious words. Do something!

 _I know. They are. I'm sorry._

Don't apologize. Talk to her.

 _I don't want life to end. That's why I'm here._

 _-So what happened, Harry? How did we get here?_

 _We? Or how did I get here?_

 _-You, Harry. How did you get to this point? I know you can't sum it all up. It's the snowball effect, am I right? It's one thing on top of another. It's too much, isn't it?_

 _-It's too hard._

 _-Life?_

Another pause.

 _-Harry, how did we get to this point?_

 _No one helped me, no one listened to me._

 _-What do you mean? Who didn't help you?_

 _Voldemort._

 _-Harry, he is gone, he can't hurt you._

 _He's not the only one._

 _-What do you mean? Has someone else hurt you?_

 _Why do you even care?_

 _-I care because you are a student._

 _And what if I wasn't a student anymore._

 _-But you are Harry, right here and now, you are a student, talk to me. Let me help you._

 _Can you bring back my parents, bring back my godfather because if you can't I don't know how you can help me_

 _-Is that what you want? Do you want to be with them?_

 _I don't know, that's why I'm here._

 _-Then let's figure this out together._

 _What do I do about it?_

 _-Well, there is two options. Option one is to move on and live your life, or option two is that you keep hurting and not move._

 _You want me to forget them._

 _-No Harry, you could never forget them, just move on._

 _Thank you professor_

Do not let him leave.

 _I got what I came for._

 _-I think there's more we can talk about, Harry._

 _No. I think we've figured it out. I need to move on and get over it._

 _-Not get over it, Harry. But sometimes there's nothing left to do but move on._

Do not let her leave that room!

 _You're right, I know._

 _-Harry, I don't understand why you're in such a hurry to leave._

 _Because I need to get on with things, Professor. If nothing's going to change, then I'd better get on with it, right?_

 _-Harry, what are you talking about?_

 _I'm talking about life, Professor._

A door clicks.

 _-Harry, wait._

Another click. Now the tearing of Velcro.

Footsteps. Picking up speed.

 _I'm walking down the hall_

His voice is clear. It's louder.

 _Her door is close behind me. It's staying close._

A pause.

 _She's not coming._

I stop pacing.

 _She's letting me go._

I hit the tree with my hand.

 _I think I've made myself very clear, but no one's stepping forward to stop me._

Who else, Harry? Your other teachers? Me? You were not very clear with me.

 _A lot of you cared, just not enough. And that … that is what I needed to find out._

But I didn't know what you were going through, Harry.

 _And I did find out._

The footsteps continue. Faster.

 _And I'm sorry._

The recorder clicks off.

With my back pressing against the tree, I begin to cry. If anyone is walking near the black lake, I know they can hear me. But I don't care if they hear me because I can't believe I just heard the last words I'll ever hear from Harry Potter.

"I'm sorry." Once again, those were the words. And now, anytime someone says I'm sorry, I'm going to think of him. But some of us won't be willing to say those words back. Some of us will be too angry and Harry for killing himself and blaming everyone else. I would have helped my best friend of only he let me. I rather he be alive, then dealing with the grief of his death.

The tape vibrates in the Walkman as it reaches the end. I stop and turn it over.

 **Side B:**

 **Play.**

Without his voice, the slight static hum that constantly played beneath his words sounds louder. Over seven tapes and thirteen stories, his voice was kept at a slight distance by this steady hum in the background. I let this sound wash over me as I slide back down to the ground right next to the lake ad close my eyes. The bright sun overhead shining down, the birds chirping in the distance. The breeze against my skin, the fading pain in my fingers, the sound of this tape winding from one spool to the next, reminds me of everything I've heard in the morning. My breathing begins to slow and the tension in my muscles starts to relax. Then, a click in the headphones. A slow breath of air. I open my eyes in the bright sunlight. And Harry, with warmth.

 _Thank you._

 **The Next Day:**

I fight every muscle in my body, begging me to collapse. Begging me not to get out of bed, begging me not to go down to breakfast. To go anywhere else and hide out till tomorrow. But no matter when I go back, the fact remains, eventually I need to face the other people on the tapes. Right after dinner the night before, I sent the tapes to the next person, to Dudley Dursley, Harrys' cousin. But right now, I know I need to go down to breakfast. People stare at his spot at the table, at his desk in the classrooms, and his chair in the common room. The empty places left behind by Harry Potter. People stare every day. But today, for me, it is profoundly different. Today, I finally understand why Harry Potter, my best friend, killed himself. And yet, that makes no different, I still feel a profound lost by his death. And now my hope is that other people will realize that their actions do have consequences.


End file.
